The Return
by hope4laughsxX
Summary: Ashley and Spencer have been broken up for three months and Spencer is NOT doing well. Will Ashley be able to save her in time?
1. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

The Last Lullaby

**The Return**

Chapter 1

"**No, I can't do this," I breathed, standing up and walking away from the bed.**

**"What's wrong Spencer?" she asked, following me.**

**"You broke my heart before Ashley. I was **_**so**_** in love with you, and you broke me…"**

**"Was?"**

**"It's too much. This all just hurts **_**too**_** much," I choked, covering my mouth.**

"**It's going to be different this time. You know it will. I love you Spence! I want you and **_**only**_** you," Ashley begged, tracing a line down my arm. I shook my head, trying my best to fight back the tears as I pulled away.**

**"That's not enough anymore…"**

**"Spencer, don't do this," she pleaded.**

**"I'm sorry…"**

"Get out of my head!" I mumbled to myself, my eyes burning with the lack of sleep. It was bad enough that I yearned for her touch every second, but every memory of her still haunted me. Even though she had moved away three months ago, I still stared at her picture until my brain finally cut me off. A day with out thinking of her was as bad as a full lifetime of withdrawal.

**"I love you Spencer," she breathed, her warm breath caressing my skin.**

"No! Stop, s-stop, stop! Please…" I begged, curling myself tighter together.

"Spencer?" I looked up, spotting Glen leaning into the room. "Don't cry Spencer," he sighed, walking over to the bed and propping me up. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"Saturday maybe?" I said, trying to steady myself.

"That was four days ago Spencer. I overheard mom talking to dad about checking you into the hospital if you don't start eating better: or at least gaining some sort of weight," he preached, his voice coated in worry. I punched him in the shoulder.

"I'm fine. See? I can still punch! I'm still here. And plus, there's no need to check me into a hospital Glen. You know that," I said, smiling and tilting my head to the side.

"Who's checking whom into a hospital?" someone asked. Aiden was leaning curiously against the doorframe, smiling cautiously over at us.

"Aiden, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you about something," he mumbled, frowning as his premature lines deepened.

"I'll go make you some soup or something Spence," Glen said, leaning me back onto the pillow. I smiled and waved him away. "Later Aiden."

"Yeah later," Aiden replied, watching Glen leave the room, shutting the door behind him. He turned to look back at me. "Wow Spencer, I saw you last week and you looked a _lot_ better then you do now…"

"Gee thanks Aiden," I scoffed.

"Seriously Spencer, when_ was_ the last time you ate something? And don't sugar coat anything from me."

"A little over a week…" I admitted slowly.

"Are you being serious right now? Spencer, if you don't eat something soon then you could get really sick," he gasped, kneeling by the bed.

"Don't even start with me, you're not my mother. Or father for that matter. Now what do you want?"

"Spencer, is this because of Ashley? Who am I kidding? Spencer, you need to let it go. Pease, before you kill yourself."

"I have nothing to let go. Plus even if I did need to let go, do you think I honestly could?" I said, emotion slipping into my voice.

"No."

"Aiden, I appreciate the concern but I'm fine. Now really, what do you want?"

"I have to go in a little bit but…I actually needed to tell you something about Ashley. Something that I know you probably don't want to hear. Especially now," Aiden replied in a quiet whisper.

"What is it?" I asked suspiciously, fearing that I already knew the answer.

"Ashley's back in town." Aiden's words were like a blow to the chest, knocking the air right out of me. I felt my heart drop in my chest and stored tears welled up around my eyes.

"What…"

"And she's also going to be coming by later. Here I mean. Your parents have arranged it and everything Spencer. They want you to have closure," Aiden sighed. I clutched at his arm with whatever force I had left in me.

"Aiden, I _can't_ see her. You _know_ I can't see her. And she can't see _me_ like this. I just…" I trailed off, lost in my own horror.

"I know Spencer, but I think you should. I know this is a really big shock and all but, I actually have to go. I'm picking up Kaylee form the airport and I'm already late." I was silent, unable to find the right words. "Spencer?"

"Just…go…" I breathed.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning…"

"Whatever…"

Chapter 2

I'm the tough girl, the sturdy girl, and the confident girl. If that's true, then why has my confidence dropped, my heart rate been reduced to flutters, and my whole body turned to jell-O?

"I still can't believe you're mine Spencer," I sighed happily, kissing her nose. She smiled that crooked smile at me, her blue eyes flashing pure love.

"I could say the same thing," she laughed. I brushed her hair behind her ear to get a better look at her face. Her angelic face. The one that was in my dreams every night.

I frowned suddenly, "Yes but, I'm the lucky one. You're so amazing Spence, and I'm well, a screw up. I've hurt you before and I just—" She leaned in kissing me softly on the lips to silence me.

"I love you Ashley. I love you and I'll always love you. We all make mistakes. And for once I've made the right choice. The one that lead me to you."

"Oh Spencer. I promise, I'll never hurt you again, and I'll never let you go. Never…"

My heart cracked again as my head filled with sweet memories. Sweet and painful memories, that followed me from day to day.

"I'm coming for you Spencer. I'm coming for you…" I mumbled. When Spencer's mom had called me, it was one of the most shocking days of my life. For a second, I thought she was calling to tell me that Spencer was dead. What other reason would she have to call me? She hated me. And I hated her. It was a simple system we lived by.

But no, Spencer wasn't dead. Not yet anyways, but as far as they could tell, she was on her way. When her mother described her condition, I could feel both a painful jolt of electricity as well as anger towards myself, boiling within me. She begged me to come, to fix things, even if that meant allowing Spence and I to be together with her blessing. I seriously doubted that could happen, but I wasn't about to let our grudges getting in the way of Spencer's safety. Never.

I flicked on my directional, turning onto Spencer's street. Her house appeared like a ghost in a dream. It may have only been three months away from her, but I still saw everything in a blur. Everywhere I looked I saw her. Kissing me gently against the front door, holding hands on the porch, or blowing me kisses, as I would drive away. How I had missed LA.

The door swung open suddenly and Mr. C stepped outside, smiling at me. There was something different about him however. It was as though three months had aged him five years. His lines were deep with worry and I couldn't help but see the panic in his eyes.

"Ashley! How are you?" he asked, pulling me into an awkward hug.

"Hey Mr. C. I'm good. Is…Spencer here?" I replied, looking away hurriedly.

"She's been in bed all week, so she'll be in her room," he said, holding open the door for me. I walked in cautiously, glancing back at me. He glanced up the stairway and nodded for me to go ahead. I did, gliding up the stairs as quietly as I could. Spencer's room lay at the end of the hallway, and I opened her door slowly, peeking my head inside.

She was asleep on the bed her face covered in sweat. Her skin had faded from a natural pink to a grey death that loomed over her. Her whole body was limp and skinny as if she had been neglected and I found her almost too fragile to touch. Once a goddess had now become a fallen angel. My heart broke as I fell to my knees beside her, horrified by what time apart had done to my other half.

"Spencer?" I whispered, pulling hair away form her eyes. "Spencer, it's me. Wake up. Please…" She didn't even shift in her sleep. Was she even breathing? I checked her stomach, watching as it rose and sunk unnaturally. "Oh Spencer, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much that you've been reduced to this broken heap. I'm sorry I left when things got hard between us, afraid of my own passion for you. I'm so sorry…" I choked, brushing my hand against her cheek. She smiled in her sleep, her hand moving up to grab mine. Our fingers intertwined immediately, and I held my breath to keep from crying. "Spencer?" She just lay there, smiling with my hand pressed against her face. Her hands were icy and a clammy sickness covered them.

"I love you…" she mumbled quietly.

I leaned in closer to her, whispering in her ear, "I love you too Spencer. I love you with all my heart my soul and my mind. You are the only one for me, and I'm so sorry for everything."

"You shouldn't…be sorry Ash." My heart skipped a beat as she muttered my name. I loved when she called me that. "My favorite part of falling asleep is seeing you," Spencer mumbled, her eyes half open. "And my least favorite part of falling asleep, is seeing you. What a shocker. But lucky for me, this is a good dream."

"You're awake," I breathed, my heart breaking even more. She tried to prop herself up but her arm shook and she fell back to the bed. I leapt up, placing her head gingerly onto my lap and petting her hair.

"Are you really here?" she asked, her eyes coming in and out of focus and her hand reaching up to stroke my cheek. I nodded, tears welling up inside me as I held her hand to my face letting a tear slip between her fingers. I stared down at her, shocked by how lost her blue eyes made me feel, but how distantly they seemed to gaze at me. "I'm sorry Ashley—"

"_You're_ sorry? No Spence, I'm the one who's sorry, I was the one who ruined everything," I interrupted.

"I pushed you away, I was hurting and instead of letting you back in, I pushed you away. I'm sorry that you have to see me like this. These days I just don't seem to be feeling as good as I used to. I bet I look horrible…"

"No," I laughed softly, "you could never look horrible."

"Ashley," she sighed gently, shivering beneath me.

"Yes?" I whispered, leaning in to hear her.

"I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I never will stop loving you. I only wish…" she said, trailing off as her eyes drifted shut.

"Spencer?" No answer. "Spencer!" Her eyes flickered back into focus. "Spencer when was the last time you ate something?"

"A week ago…"

"God damn it Spencer! That's It I'm getting you food, you have _no_ energy right now." I stood up, putting her head back on the bed. She caught my arm and tugged lightly: weakly.

"Don't go. I lost you once don't leave me again. Please? Just, come here for a second…" I did as she asked, kneeling by her face. "I just want to look at you. And touch you…" she sighed happily, lifting a hand and trailing it along my face. I closed my eyes, letting Spencer's fingertips trace my every feature. After a moment I felt her hand drop away.

"Spencer?" I asked, opening my eyes. Her eyes were closed, her face a shade paler. "Help! Glen? Mr. C? Someone help!"

Chapter 3

I laid my head against her chest, listening for a pulse. There still was one, fading away slowly. Both Glen and Mr. C burst through the door, practically taking it off its hinges.

"What's wrong Ashley? What's going on?" Mr. C asked.

"She just passed out. She needs some food in her right now! She told me she hadn't eaten in a week," I cried, tears flowing easily down my face.

"A week? Dad, she told me it had been three days," Glen choked, horrified with his own stupidity.

"It's alright Glen, just go run down stairs and bring up that tray. We'll try and feed her but we need to call an ambulance. And your mother, call her too." Glen nodded running out the door and stomping down the stairs. Spencer moaned painfully beside us.

"Ashley," Mr. C said, turning to me, "I'm going to call 9-1-1 and I need you to stay here with her. Can you do that?"

"Nothing could take her away from me again," I replied, whipping away the watery mess.

"Thanks," he said, stepping outside the room.

"Ashley?" Spencer coughed.

"Yeah baby? Oh god you're still breathing," I sobbed, kneeling down and wrapping my hands around her face. "Don't leave me Spencer. Please-don't-leave-me," I said, kissing all over her face. She smiled faintly, the corner of her lip twitching. I leaned down, tears falling onto her face. Our lips met, like lightning on an unsuspecting blade of grass. I kissed her fervently, feeling almost as though this was going to be the last time we ever kissed. Some strength returned to her and I felt her hand reach up and entangle itself in my hair. I broke away, aware that she was unable to breath.

"Don't you _dare_ leave me Spencer. You go I go," I cried.

She attempted to smile again, "I can't focus Ashley. I can barely see you…" She blinked repeatedly. I smoothed down her hair, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

"Then don't try and see me. Close your eyes and squeeze my hand. Focus on the warmth of my hand. Focus on my voice," I leaned down, kissing her face again gently, "Focus on my lips. My breath against your skin. Think back to the night in your room, the heat. Feel that heat Spencer, feel the strength you had that night. Can you feel my hands?"

She smiled and nodded, "Yes…"

"Think about sneaking out at night to sleep under the stars. I wrapped my armd around you and held you close to keep you warm. Do you remember? Can you see me?"

"You're so beautiful Ashley. So good to me and everything…" Spencer sighed. Her hand relaxed in my hand.

"Spencer? Spencer listen to me, the ambulance is coming okay? You're going to be okay. Do you understand me?" She didn't shift and I could hear the ambulance turn onto her street. "Spencer? Baby, answer me. Come on baby just a word," I chocked, tears starting to flow again. Spencer's chest had stopped moving and I searched for a pulse but couldn't find one. "Mr. C! Her heart stopped! Mr. C!" I screamed. "Spencer, come back to me! Please!"

"This way. Up the stairs, she's at the end of the hallway," I heard Mr. C say as several pairs of feet stomped up the stairs. "Ashley?"

"Mr. C, help her! I can't find a pulse! I can't find her pulse!" I shrieked, tapping lightly on her face.

"Miss, step away. John, get out the defibrillator!" One of the paramedics said, tearing me away form Spencer. I stepped back, finding myself suddenly surrounded in Mr. C's arms. The paramedics pulled her shirt off, leaving Spencer in her bra. I felt a strange pang of jealousy towards the _men_ who got to touch Spencer before I got to.

"150 watts," the paramedic named John called out. "Clear!" Spencer's body leaped to life for a moment, her core lifting straight off the bed.

"No heart rate," the other one said.

"God damn it! Save her you idiots! Stop stating the obvious and just save her," I called out, pushing against Mr. C's arms, which had suddenly become my prison.

"Ramping it up to 200 watts. Clear!" Once again, Spencer bounced up in bed as her body surged with electricity. "Do you have a pulse?"

"No, do it again."

"No! Spencer! Don't leave me! Let me go Mr. C! Let me go to her. Spencer!" I shouted, thrashing against him.

"Let them do their job Ashley," Mr. C choked.

"250 watts. Clear!"

"I got a pulse!"

"Spencer!"


	2. Chapter 4

The Last Lullaby

**Chapter 4**

A monitor was beeping to my side: pulsing at the same beat as my head. There was pressure on my chest and a cool breath blew slowly in and out on my skin. I smelled lilac, a familiar smell that sent a chill billowing through me. I opened my eyes slowly, letting the light blind me momentarily. A voice moaned pitifully beneath me and I looked down.

Ashley was asleep, nuzzled against my chest. She clutched at my nightgown as if she was holding on to me for dear life. Her other hand was intertwined with mine, and I ran my thumb along her knuckles, smiling to myself. She looked so peaceful, and beautiful. 

_ I hope to god I'm not dreaming…_I thought.

I reached a hand up to her face, tracing her hairline and removing any stray hairs from her flawless face. She stirred at my touch, a smile creeping from the corners of her mouth. Her eyes flickered open suddenly her smile fading away immediately. She looked up at me, our gazes meeting and holding as she registered what was happening.

"Spencer?" she asked, her voice rough. I smiled wider. "Oh my god," she said, throwing herself at me. Our lips found each other in all the confusion and I heard my heart speed up on the monitors. She pulled away from me, leaving me yearning for more.

"No come back," I whispered, grabbing her arm.

"Oh my god Spencer. I'm so happy you're okay. We were talking and then you…and then they restarted your heart…and they wouldn't let me in the ambulance…. and, and a-and—" Ashley's suspense was broken off by a tear-filled cry, choking her from continuing. She fell to her knees beside me, burying her face in my hair, as I felt her tears burn against my skin. I smoothed down her luscious curls, anguish breaking out over my face.

"Ashley, hon, calm down. Come here," I said soothingly, scooting over in the bed. She sat next to me, her eyes puffy from crying. "I'm so sorry," I breathed, whipping away a tear that clung to her lashes. "I'm sorry I put you through this all…" She grabbed my hand, kissing it.

"Enough of all the 'sorry's Spencer! I'm just glad you're okay. When I watched the paramedics use the diffribulator on you, I was scared to death. Scared that the kiss we had just had, was going to be the last one we'd _ever _have. Scared that my last memory of you and I was going to be me screaming for you to come back to me, and you slowly fading away from me. S-so afraid that you would leave me alone…" Tears formed at the corners of Ashley's eyes again and I leaned up to stop them, smashing our faces together. She flinched, taken by surprise. I pulled her to me, letting her weight fall over me like a chilling wave. Our hands clutched at each other's faces, pulling hair away from our desperate lips. I pulled away just far enough to whisper to her.

"And I came back. Just like you came back. Now shut the hell up and just kiss me," I sighed, letting my breath leek over her eyelids. Her eyes flickered lustrously as her arms pinned me back to the pillow before she dove back in for more.

"Um…excuse me?" someone asked. We both shot up, pulling away from one another. It was my mom, standing uncomfortably in the doorway with her arms crossed and her eyes trained on Ashley's hand, which still clutched mine.


	3. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own ANY of these characters from any of my stories and...yeah!

**Chapter 5**

_**I hate her**..._I thought, staring heatidly towards Paula. I squeezed Spencer's hand tighter, smiling as she squeezed back. Paula's eye's flickered angrily at the sign of affection. _**Guess the "accepting" part of her deal hasn't come into play yet...**_

"Hello. Ashley," she hissed through bared teeth, not even bothering to cover up the hostility that was leaking towards me.

"Paula."

"Hi mom," Spencer greeted warmly, smiling over at her mother and bekoning her closer. I watched a smile creep up Paula's face as she moved closer, pushing me away as she leaned down to hug Spencer.

"You scared us Spence. When your father called me and told me...I was so worried. Good thing your father had called the paramedics," she scolded. I rolled my eyes.

_Don't you mean good thing Ashley was there for her? _I thought sarcastically. Spencer mimicked my thoughts almost exactly.

"You mean, aren't I lucky that Ashley was there to keep me holding on? Mom, through this whole thing, the only thing that kept me from getting lost in all the darkness, was Ashley's voice. I followed it back here. Even waking up here I heard her sigh while sleeping on--I mean, next to me..." she smiled, blushing a deep scarlet.

"Uh, sure," Paula scoffed. "Speaking of Ashley," she said, turning towards me, "I need to talk to her outside for just a minute. I'm on my break and I only have about five minutes, so it'll be quick. Ashley? Do you mind?"

**_Shit... _I thought, _here it comes..._**

"Mind? Of course not, nothing I'd rather do..." I mumbled sacasticly. I turned to Spencer, looking down into her eyes. "I'll be back soon okay?" She leaned up, catching me in a kiss. I closed my eyes, savoring the taste of her mouth.

"I'll be here," she replied. I saw Paula's eyes narrow as she then whispered, "I love you" to me. I mouthed back the same thing, lingering in her gaze only until i felt a tug at my arm.

"Right, I'm coming." I followed Paula out of the room and around the corner so that Spencer couldn't see us talking. _I guess this is where she kills me..._

"Ashley..." she began, trying to smooth away some of her discomfort. "I appreciate you coming here to _try_ and help Spencer, but It's time that you go home. I know that I said that--"

"Are you being freaking serious right now? You said that if I came and helped Spencer that you would leave her and I alone! What happened to _that_ agreement?" I said, my voice raising in apparent anger.

Paula closed her eyes to compose herself, "I know that I said I would leave you alone, but it was because of _you_ that she was like this in the first place. I cannot, and **will not** watch my daughter go through this again."

"And who are you to say that this will happen again, Paula? Who are _you_ to judge?"

"I'm her mother damn it! And you may have Spencer wrapped around your finger but now that we know what we're up against, we, as a _family_, will help her heal. Ah! I told Spencer this would happen. I told Arthur and no one believed me. Can't you see the damage you are doing? It's bad enough you turned her gay!"

"People can't just be turned _gay_ Paula, she's always been gay. Different then all these people that judge and hurt her from day to day. People like _you," _I screamed.

"You're going to be the death of her! Why can't you see that? Ashley, how do you know that she will survive when you leave again? How do you know that she will be able to come back from that?"

"I told you I'm not going anywhere!"

"Yes you will!" Paula yelled, taking a shaky breath. "For someone who claims to be _in love_ with my daughter, you've left her and hurt her over and over and over. You aren't here to see the tears falling from her eyes for days at a time. You're don't hear the sobs that last all night. You **will **leave. You left her when she got too close. You've left her for Aiden time after time, and you **lefther when her _brother_ died. You're going to kill her!" I was silent, shocked by the truth of her words. "My suggestion...is to just leave now. I need to go back to work, but it will just be best if you leave as soon as i go. It's for the best. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves you, but I have _every_ doubt in my mind, that you love her. And if so, then you dont love her enough to be good for her. Your time is over. you and her, are over. Move on." With that parting phrase, she left, leaving me standing alone and confused while people brushed by me.**

**She's...right...**


	4. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own ANY of these characters from any of my stories and...yeah!

**Chapter 6**

"Ashley?" I called out, straining my ears to catch even a sliver of her voice.

**Where did they go? I wonder what my mom's saying to her...**

I sat up a little, hearing shouting emminating from down the hall. Was it just a trick sound? Just a laugh or a yawn mistaken for that of which frightened me the most. That which brought back the most pained of memories.

"_Are you freaking serious?" _Ashley's voice. I felt my face drain, her desperation flooding into my room and punching me in the gut. I listened more, though a little reluctant of what i might hear.

"_Can't you see the damage that you..." _I could hear an equal amount of strain in my mother screeches that echoed through me, threatening to tear me apart. They quieted after that, as did the rest of the hospital. Everyone was listening it seemed, waiting for the next move. Almost too soon however, I heard them. Those words that always sent a shock of cold pain through me, causing me to cringe into myself.

"_I'm not going to leave her again!"_

I breathed in sharply. "Leave?" I said, the words just barely escaping my lips. "_No..." _I was numb. Breaking inside. Suddenly my strength returned in a furious burt. I could just barely feel myself tearing at my blankets, ripping them off at the same time as the wires were being torn from my arm. Cold air hit me in a rush and I stumbled in surprise, falling to the ground but catching myself and getting back on my feet. "Ashley!" I screamed, running out of my room and looking despretly around. She wasn't there. No one was. I tore around the corner bumping into someone as I fell.

"Oof! Spencer?"

"Ashley! Oh my god ashley, you're still here. O-oh dear god, thank god!" I choked.

"Spencer, spencer, baby calm down," she cooed, kneeling by my side and pulling me into a hug. "What's wrong?"


	5. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own ANY of these characters from any of my stories and...yeah!

** Chapter 7**

"Don't leave me again Ashley..." she whispered into my shoulder. I tried to push her away but she just hugged tighter. "Don't break my heart again..."

"You heard everything your mom said?" I asked quietly, ashamed of what she might think.

"I heard you say you wouldn't leave me. But you didn't sound as convinced as you should be," Spencer replied. this time she pushed me back a little, just so she could look into my eyes. "Do you think you're going to leave again?"

I was silent, searching for the right words. "I don't want to say..."

"Ashley, just tell me," she demanded, a flickering tear breaking away and falling down on my arm. Her sadness burnt my skin as i flinched.

"I don't know. You know me Spencer. I'm not easy to be with. Maybe your mom was right, maybe I will just run away again when things go wrong. Maybe I will hurt you so much that..." I breathed, tucking hair behind her ear, "that you'll wither away because of me. Look...look how close you came to that. I sat by you for days, watching you. There was just a constant pain scrawled across your face. I sang to you, and kissed you, but still that face was always there..."

"It wasn't there when you woke up and found me looking at you," said Spencer.

"Because you _knew_ I was there Spencer. Physically you knew I was there. But what about while you slept? What about while you dreampt Spencer? Why wasn't I there?" She just looked at me, confused and hurt. I knew she was thinking about what I had just said. _Why wasn't I there?_ "I want to believe that I'm never going to leave you again Spencer, I really do. But if we face the facts that's all i ever seem to do to you. I wont lie to you Spencer, I love you. More then I _ever_ would have thought was possible a year ago. But I've you too. So much. And I don't know if I want to put you through that again. You don't deserve it."

"But I love you...Ashley," she cried softly, reaching up and running her fingers over the side of my face as our foreheads leaned against on another. "As much as I don't want to be hurt again, how am I to know that it could have worked this time."

"Don't people say that if it's really love, it should be easy? Effortless?" I asked, trying to hold on to my threatening tears.

"That's what they say for _other_ people. When has anything about the way we are ever been easy or effortless. I already know that your answer is the same as mine. Never!" she said, tyring to break through in a smile.

"Spencer..."

"I don't want to lose you Ashley..."

"I don't want to hurt you. And I'm not sure I wont..." I said.

"Just believe then. Believe that we can make it through this," Spencer begged.

"Oh Spencer..."


	6. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It was as if she couldn't hear me. As if she was unable to see the pain in my eyes, in my heart, and in my tears as I was trying to keep her with me. To love is to hate, and to hurt is to be loved? How can that be? The angel did not love the devil, just as the devil did not worship the angels. But she was my angel, and I was hers. So how could she want to leave? Again…

"Ashley, don't do this," I choked, trying my best to hold in whatever strength I could.

"Please Spencer, don't cry."

"Don't leave me…I _know _you don't want to, so don't. Just…please. My mother is an idiot. She is spiteful and horrible to you and she is just messing with your head! She's just angry that because her and my dad are having trouble, but we are in love. She doesn't understand. _No one_ understands Ashley. Except _me_. You and me together through whatever, no matter _how_ cheesy that sounds. I **love** you Ash, and I will **never** stop loving you…"

Ashley trembled in my arms, as if she was sitting out in the snow. Her eyes jumped to and from my face as if magnets were causing her to look back again and again. I reached up, brushing my cold hands against her face as I tried not to cry. She shivered harder, closing her eyes in the pleasure of it all.

"Miss Carlin? What are you doing?" We both looked up at the nurse who was obviously confused by what was going on. "Why are you out of your room? We had you on a IV drip and you really shouldn't have taken them out. You still aren't strong enough to be out here—oh, who is this?"

"This is Ashley, my girl—"

"I need to go Spencer, I _promise _to talk to you later today alright? _I love you_," she whispered in my ear. I tried to grab for her but she had scurried away to fast. My eyes burned and blurred as I watched her run down the hallway…away from me.

"Ashley!" I screamed after her.

"Miss Carlin, please there are some people sleeping here. Come on, I'll help you up," the nurse hushed.

"Don't touch me okay? I just need a s-second…" I cried

The nurse grabbed my wrist, looking for my pulse.

"Oh dear, hun, you need to calm down and we need to get you back to your room. Come on, here we go," she aid, her voice coated in honey as she helped me onto a wheel chair. "Shh, calm down. Whatever it is, it'll be okay."

"How do you know…"

* * * * * * * * * *

The room was too quiet for me. The silence ate at me, taunting me and laughing in the darkness. It was almost midnight and I was still alone. I refused to let anyone but my doctor and nurse come into the room. My mom hadn't really liked that, but I didn't care. She had taken my heart away from me, and I was numb. Numb and cold: a horrible combination…

A cricket was hidden somewhere in the room and it wept along with me as it serenaded the pain with it's melodic cries. The darkness was the only certain thing in my life these days. How sad. I had become nothing more than a cliché in this broken world.

"Why…" I breathed again for the millionth time this hour. A sound replied to me and I froze, listening for it again. Then came the light, a small sliver that danced against the wall for a few seconds. Light feet, tip-toeing over to where I was lying, trying not to break the sinister silence.

"Spencer?" the angel's voice whispered. A hand found mine and squeezed as a pair of lips fell into place on mine. I smiled beneath the kiss, letting my hand reach up to the angels face.

"Ash…" I breathed as we broke away. "You came back?"

"I'm so sorry Spencer," she whispered, kneeling next to the bed and taking both my hands in hers.

"You came _back,_" I sighed, putting my forehead to hers.

"You were right, your mom is just messing with my head. Time after time I may have left and hurt you, but time after time I've come back. Because I am _so_ far gone from you just being another girl. I love you so much, that you have me bound to you in every _inch_ of my _being_. I can't believe I ever doubted myself for a minute. I may be a lot of things, some that I don't always like to admit, but true to my heart I've never been completely honest with. So I'm going to start now Spence, with you. Here and now and forever. I love you…"

"I love you too…"

"That is…if you still want me here…" she said.

"Ashley, I always want you here. When you said that you weren't in my dreams you were right in a sense. You weren't _in _my dreams, you _were_ my dreams. Good and bad, you were all of them and they were beautiful. When you left my heart went with you, and when you came back, you brought me back to, well...me! If you were to ask for a song that had no notes, you wouldn't be able to find one. Ask a photographer to take a picture with no film and you wouldn't get anything from him. So you try and ask me to survive without you? I'd say impossible, because you're a part of me, and never could I live successfully without my heart."

Ashley smiled, kissing my hands, "Always so poetic…"

"Well I did get an A in English this year," I said, smiling back.

"I love you...you know that right?"

"I know…" I breathed, leaning forward and pressing my lips to hers. There was a burning deep within me, a dark hole that was crying out to be filled. I had missed her so much. Having her with only me, in a moment that not even the fate would dare to disturb.

I pulled at her arms, pulling her closer to me as my tongue traced her bottom lip, begging to be let in. She pulled back, running to the door and locking it, then running back to me without even skipping a beat. Her mouth was hot with mine and I could feel the burn in me greaten as my hand ran up her smooth back.

"The nurse said you would be too weak," Ashley panted, pulling reluctantly away.

"Screw that," I smiled, pulling her so hard that she fell onto me. We laughed, covering our mouths to muffle our delight.

"Are you sure?" Ashley asked, positioning herself over me by straddling me. I reached up to her hips, both of us shivering at the temperature difference, and smiled.

"I'm surprised you are still talking so much. I do recall this being a fantasy of someone's?" I smirked mischievously. "What was it again? Hmm…kinky nurse and patient? Mmm…" I smiled wider as I watched Ashley's eyes flash with lust.

"Uhh…it was something like that," she sighed, shivering as her breath sped up. I leaned up, biting her ear.

"Please nurse, is it going to hurt much?" I whispered. At last Ashley gave in, a growl erupting from her plush lips.

"Oh my god Spencer," she said, pushing her face to mine as fast as she could close the distance. Our lips were a rush of passion and fire as we kissed, toungues swirling in desperation.

My hands found her blouses buttons and I did my best to pry them apart, neither of us caring as the buttons flew in every which direction. She threw it off and I heard it land softly as I fumbled with her bra clasp.

"Oh no, no, Spence. You're first."


	7. Chapter 9

****

**Chapter 9**

My heart was beating wildly in my chest, threatening to explode on the beautiful creature I had pinned below me. Her mouth was a million different flavors, all sending sparks of heated intensity through me. Her eyes closed as I kissed a path down her neck and then back up, sucking and nipping at the edge of her jaw. I could feel her pulse beneath my lips and felt her blood rush churn beneath me.

"Stop teasing," she moaned, reaching up once again to try and undo my bra. I laughed, knowing full well what I was doing to her. I quieted her with my lips, smiling as she fought against me in a furious rush of passion. I released her arms, continuing our kiss as my hands found the strands that were tied together behind her neck. One pull and the knot was free. Spencer grabbed at me, flipping me around with surprising ease as her gown fell from her shoulders. I pulled back, staring up at her.

I don't know why I had expected to find something different about her, but besides dropping a jean size or two, she was just as glorious as I had remembered.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concern flooding to her face as she tried to cover herself back up.

"Don't you dare," I said, ripping the gown from her and throwing it where she couldn't reach it. Kiss after kiss after kiss, each one somehow more desperate and loving then the last. I felt Spencer's hands reach under me as she quickly undid my bra, pulling away the trivial cloth with her teeth in a way that made me only want her more.

My mouth found her breast and nipped at it, causing a deep moan break out form her.

"Oh god…" she sighed.


	8. Chapter 10

****

Chapter 10

         It was the best kind of torture, the one that made me want to scream and thrust her into me. The one that longed to have her in me, with me, _part_ of me. It was passion, and it was _mine_.

         "Oh God…" I sighed, pulling Ashley's head closer to my chest while the hole in me burned hotter and hotter. I shivered as I felt her hand slide up and down the inner part of my leg as she worked her mouth harder and faster around my breast. My breath was like _fire_ in my chest but I dared not to let it escape, in fear of releasing some of the intense pressure that devoured me. Breaking me apart and pulling me back together in the end.

         I moved my hips, causing her fingers to trace a line over my feverish hole, imploring her to go inside. But that would be far to easy if she had. And Ashley was anything but easy to get things from. I pulled her head away from my aching breast and pulled her lips to mine, hoping to release some of the tension that was building inside of me. As she leaned up for air, I flipped her back over kissing from her ear down to her breasts, then lower, and lower.

         "Miss Carlin you wouldn't _dare_," Ashley moaned, her head leaning back as my kisses continued to lower. My mouth never left her stomach as I began to undo her jeans: zippering them down and pulling them down and away. I used my nails to trace along the lace line of the last piece of cloth that was shielding her from me.

         "Let's play a game," I whispered, pulling the cloth down the slightest bit. "For every answer you get wrong, I'll make you wait a little longer, for what you want. But if you get all the questions right, then I'll give you what you want. Ready? Capital of Ohio, What's 325 times 15, and how bad do you _really _want me right now?" As I spoke, I began to pull the clothing farther and farther down, waiting for her to answer.

         "Oh my _god!_ Columbus, 4,875, and _a lot! _Now fuck me!" Ashley screamed. In a flash My mouth was right where it was always meant to me, teasing her body with nips and lick's that caused Ashley to buck against my face, her back arching in the air.

         "Oh godddd…Spencer…fuck! Fuck, fuck _fuck!_ I want you so bad! Oh my god…oh shit…."

         Her moans and pleads to be "_faster, harder, deeper" _only caused my own satisfaction level to greaten, as her breathing and mine got more and more labored.

         "Spencer!!!! Oh fuck! Oh god baby!" Her cries were almost yelled whispers now, and I could feel our climax's latch onto one another like two volcanoes that had spontaneously become one. The air was thick and musty and my heart almost seemed to be breaking through my rip cage.

         "Fuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkk!!!!!!"


End file.
